I am sure I will get allot of flack from this blog. But I am tire of the phrase "love your kids unconditionally." I don't believe this to be something that should be expected! Sometimes kids disappoint you because you had higher expectations than they may have been capable. But that can be expected and you would continue to love them despite those things. However, your children can do far more for you to grow to not have love for them. I know I am not the only one in these situations. I cant be!
When a child expect you to do things for them and you don't. They then says things like " if this happens to me or your grandchildren then it is all your fault." They try and play the guilt card. That worked for quite sometime. I guess at some point I chose to have that guilt bone removed. Also, when you don't do as they wish they will tell you things like "your going to die all alone because you don't care about anyone so why should we care about you" Last time I checked giving anyone everything they wanted is not how you care! And the worst when you wont do as they want. The will cause fighting among everyone in the household or family. They will break things of yours or others. Break windows, throw things, even come at you with a knife or bat. They feel that if they cause that much drama that you will just give in so they will stop. That worked for awhile too after many tears, hurt and just being fearful of what might happen. Now it is time to just call the cops! They think I am awful I wont go see them in jail. They are lucky I buy them stamps and write them. And very lucky I took grandchildren in so they wouldn't loose custody. However, that is going to stop to. As much as I love my grandchildren their parents have to be held accountable for their actions. I do not want to raise my grandchildren. That only opens my children to have another guilt card. If the courts put them with me that is different but I will not do those favors for their parents anymore. The need to learn right is right wrong is wrong
Children get in trouble with the law and somehow that is your fault too. They get caught stealing, writing bad checks and reply "I had to do it, I asked you for money and you wouldn't help me!" I have learned even when given money they still find need to need more and will steal from me or anyone. From writing bad checks so they can have material items but say that it is about food. It comes to the point you don't believe a word that comes from their mouths. They try and say what you want to hear to get what they want.
Then comes the partying and alcohol and drug use. The reason "you didn't love me when I was a child" "my therapist says it is all because of you" or my favorite "I do it so I can forget" or "Its my life and my business and its not hurting you so....."
I have helped till I cant anymore. Who is going to take care of me when I am penniless and cant work? There have been situations where I have struggled just to pay bills because I helped too much. For some reason my children think I have money in some bank somewhere that is just there. I live paycheck to paycheck and always have because if I had money I gave it for whatever reason to these children. This has went on from the time they were kids living at home till now that they are adults and some have children of their own.
And the moving in with mom and out is not working either. Where is the person I can move in rent free even though I work? I love the "I have fines to pay and child support" That is my fault how? Since when did that make it ok to not help out? Or at least in other ways, clean your room pick up after yourself, help clean community rooms through the house.
Not all my children turned out this way. I wonder why? According to the others it would be because "she/he is your favorite and you spoiled them" Excuse me! I believe it was the other way around the older ones got spoiled and everything. By the time the last ones came around I had learned to not say yes all the time. And financially supporting them as a single mother no came allot more often. And yes I felt bad, It made me feel terrible I could not get them or do for them the things they wanted. I did the best I could. They always tried to keep up with their peers as far as material things or camps or things requiring money. My last child earned and volunteer his own time and money to go on a church trip I could not afford. The older ones would have just expected me to pay it. I had paid for dance classes camps and put off bills in order to let them have this childhood they desired. The only consequence was...... I got behind on bills and they thought things should just be given to them. Never learned you got to put something in to it to get something. I hope the children that learned that will continue to understand that and I will always be more willing to help them for it. Until they given me a reason to grow away from them to.
You can only be used and abused so much from anyone in your life. Children, lovers, other family, friends. You have to finally stick up for yourself! I have had times when I needed help and understanding and those selfish children basically laughed. Even heard one say..." I think it is funny mom finally sees how it is like to need someone" I struggle it out with my boyfriend and got through it. But that was the beginning of me opening my eyes to my needs and to put them first. Someones got to look out for me
Saturday, February 20, 2010
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